It's Only a Weed if You Don't Think It's Pretty

If it's not broke, don't fix it.

If you're regular, don't change your diet.

I had been eating my high vegetable diet for two months and was feeling great. I'm also the world's biggest cheater, so I'd sneak a cookie or piece of dark chocolate every once in awhile. I did notice that after eating a cookie, I'd feel "off". I also noticed that I could no longer stomach my once daily mocha. You'd think I'd take a clue, but I didn't. I just figured my system wasn't used to the sugar.

Then came Strata Night. My friend Krista came over to color Easter eggs and we made strata (what else do you do with 2 dozen eggs?). We used 100% whole wheat bread. That night I had a migraine and felt like I'd swallowed glass shards. One of my co-workers has Celiac disease and has been telling me to get tested for several months. I finally started to think there might be something to her suggestion.

Now I'm stubborn and sometimes I need a third degree burn before I learn my lesson. So six days after Strata Night I had a piece of toast with peanut butter for breakfast. Within two hours I was vomiting and had a screaming migraine. Lesson learned.

I did insist that my primary care physician test me for Celiac disease and it came back negative. Right now I'm in the process of determining what my tolerance level is, but I'm not too excited to get burned again, so I'm just as happy to be gluten free.

As for the connection between my colitis and gluten intolerance, I don't know if I'm an unique case or not. I do know that both are autoimmune disease of the digestive system. Ulcerative colitis is limited to the large intestine. Celiac and gluten intolerance is centralized in the small intestine. Autoimmune diseases tend to run in pairs.

So am I surprised? No.

Is there anything I can do about it? Yes. Don't eat gluten.

My dream is for someday colitis' cure to be a diet modification.

When You Lay in Clover Beware of Bees

Training: Week 9, Day 1
Distance: 11.67 miles
Time: 1 hour 2 minutes
Power Song: Shadow Play by The Killers

Finding out I was gluten intolerant began with a minor bowel obstruction, that hoodwinked my doctors into believing was my gallbladder. Yeah, I can see this is going to need an explanation.

November 2008 Eric took me to the ER for extreme pain in my right side. I was relatively assured it was a bowel obstruction-- I'd had one the year before and clearly remembered the symptoms and namely the pain. At the ER the doctor of course ran a battalion of tests before shipping me off to my surgeon in Grand Rapids. I was hospitalized overnight and sent home.

Two weeks later my primary care doctor called and told me I need to have my gallbladder removed-- apparently, I had more than 20, but less than 30, gallstones and they were the cause of my earlier hospitalization. I was a little shocked to say the least that this was the first time I'd heard about gallstones-- or maybe the drugs in the ER scrambled my short term memory.

Long story short, I couldn't have my gallbladder removed until January and I was instructed to eat a bland diet until surgery. Following doctor's orders, I spent the month of December eating toast, soda crackers, pasta and feeling like I was dying a slow death. By the time I hit the operating table in January I was screaming for them to take my gallbladder out! I couldn't believe that my condition deteriorated so quickly because of an organ the size of a walnut.

Needless to say after my gallbladder came out I needed to detox myself of my high carb bland diet. I started following a no sugar, no wheat diet that my mom follows.

This is what my daily menu looked like:
Breakfast: 1 oz of oatmeal (the real kind, not instant), 8 oz of plain yogurt (the real kind with no flavoring added) and 6 oz of fruit
Lunch: 4 oz lean protein, 6 oz. of cooked vegetable, 6 oz. of raw vegetable w/1 Tbsp. dressing
Dinner: 4 oz lean protein, 6 oz. of cooked vegetable 8 oz of raw vegetable w/2 Tbsp. dressing
I thought for sure I was going to die. My impending death wasn't because this menu didn't include dark chocolate (which was a concern), no, I was more focused on the amount of raw vegetables listed. Raw is a word that most colitis sufferers avoid because if it's raw, it's going to make you raw. However, I had to break my high carb life or my pants weren't going to fit anymore, so I decided to try it for a week.

And I'll be damned. I was fine. In fact, I felt solid and regular--- words that hadn't describe my bathroom habits in several year.

Today's The Day

That is not the face Eric made when I told him the news, but it was pretty close...
Today is the day we can finally tell people. Good thing, too. I really think my tongue was going to break my teeth trying to break loose to spread the word.

The Missing Grain

I had a very nice compliment from two coworkers today-- they both said that I looked like I was feeling good- better than I've ever looked.

Of course I wanted to scream, "It's because I'm pregnant!" But I didn't. I figured the soon be to grandmothers wouldn't be so open to free babysitting if my co-workers found out I was pregnant before they did.

The truth is I feel the best I've ever felt. And it's just not elation from being pregnant either.

There is more to my story than just colitis. For roughly a year I've felt run down, had extra digestive problems and lots of migraines. I just thought it was all related to my lack of a colon. Four month ago I finally found out what the problem really was-- I'm gluten intolerant.

For anyone who doesn't know about gluten intolerance here is your mini-lesson. Gluten intolerance is the small intestines inability to properly digest wheat, barely or rye in varying degree. People who cannot tolerate any form of gluten at any level have Celiac disease. I can tolerate small doses of gluten without major problems, but I still prefer to not take a chance.

For years whenever I had diarrhea I'd eat a bland diet of toast, soda crackers or pasta waiting for things to calm down, but during the past year that strategy hadn't been working. Also, whenever I ate spaghetti or Eric's wonderful homemade pizza, afterwards I'd feel like I was digesting razor blades. I thought I'd just eaten to much or the tomato sauce was getting to me.

Nope, it was the gluten.

I've been gluten free for 3-4 months now and I feel amazing. I can honestly say that this is the best I've felt physically in almost eight years. I had mentioned that Eric and I have been wanting to start our family for several years now. I can't help but think that the gluten free diet, plus the bike riding, has put my body in the best possible condition to carry a child.

Blog It

Training: Week 8, Day 2

Time: 1 hour 20 minutes

Distance: 15.87 miles

Power Song: Hang Me Up to Dry by The Cold War Kids

I won't worry about being pregnant. I won't worry about being pregnant. I won't worry about being pregnant.

The Detroit Free Press ran an interesting article about blogging on Sunday, July 19th. The focus of the article was that blogging can help boost your career. Not only can a blog show potential employers that you can write, or not, but it can also highlight your personality, or lack of, and show that you have drive, or lack of. Basically, your blog can be an on-line resume. So I wonder what potential employers would see in my blog?

Would they only focus on my health issues and see me as someone who'd miss work? Or instead would they see someone who calls in sick because they are honestly unable to come to work?

Would they focus on my past medical history as a potential disability? Or would instead they see that I'm driven despite the odds?

Will my resume be marked as fallible? Or instead will my fallibility highlight my adaptability?

These are all questions I had to ask myself before I started this blog. My current employer knows of my colitis and is very understanding. But what if they weren't? My dad heavily counseled me to 'edit' anything that could endanger my job. It's wise council.

But I can't do it. If I going to write about my life with colitis, then I'm going to bare it all. I'm tired of keeping quiet and feeling like I should hid this part of my life. I've done nothing wrong. Colitis is just something that happened to me. And it's a sucky part of my life. It's something that happened not because of a lifestyle choice, but because that is just the way my life played out. And yeah, there are parts about it that aren't pretty. Some of it's really depressing actually. And hiding it, only giving part of the story, just makes it worst for me. Because when I don't give the whole story I feel like I've done something wrong and I haven't.

So yes, maybe this blog will red flag me. But honestly, in the end, I can't work for someone that will hold colitis against me. I give 150% when I'm at work. And when I'm not there it's not because I'm at the beach or taking a bullshit 'mental health' day. I've not there because I can't be there.

Colitis has taught me to work harder.

I Can Do This

Okay. I can do this.

The doctor says I just need to keep my hear rate below 140 beats per minute. No sweat, really I won't be sweating at all with that low of a pace. I'll try it tomorrow and see how it goes. I'm sure I'll be fine. Pregnant women do all kinds of things. I mean heck, Great Granny Hutch gave birth to her 7th child in the morning, and was out working in the fields that afternoon. I'm not even going to be giving birth at GYGIG. I'm just going for a little bike ride for three days. I only be 12 weeks along. No sweat.

But now I have a bigger problem. How do I keep quiet about this? Eric and I have decided to keep it to ourselves for a week. That will be harder that riding 210 miles on my bike, without a bathroom break!

And Then This Little Thing Called Life Happens... Literally

Tests Number 1 & 2 Then Test #3, just because Meijer's generic brand might be off, despite what the 1-800 customer service operator says....

How is this possible.

I mean, yeah, I know how it's possible, I am married and we both know that pregnancy is a side effect of unprotected sex. A very much desired side effect in our case. But really, how is this possible.

We've been not "not trying" for three years. There is adoption information sitting on my kitchen counter. We've accepted that we might need more than nature to make this family thing work. How is this possible.

Okay. Breathe. Let's start from the beginning.

I was at work and didn't feel so great. I had an upset stomach with some cramping. I left early to call my colon rectal surgeon's office and get something to take. Crap (not literally) I'm five days late and need to take a home pregnancy test to make sure I'm not pregnant, even though I know I'm not. The doctor's office always asks me to confirm that I'm not pregnant "just to make sure".

I hate this part. Walking into Meijer. Knowing I'm not pregnant. Knowing I'm going to be disappointed, yet again. I've given up buying tests. It's less heart breaking. Maybe I'll just hold off another day or two and "suck it up". After all, maybe it's just menstrual cramps that I'm having.

HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE. I mean, I'm still sitting on the toliet staring at a blue strip. It hasn't even been one minutes, more like 20 seconds. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Okay, it's not. That is a really light blue strip. Where's the box. There has to be a number to call.

Okay. Any blue strip, no matter how light, is a positive test. How is this possible? There's only one thing to do--- sit down, watch Elizabeth: The Golden Years, and drink three glasses of Crystal Light so I can take another test.

How long can it take for that Crystal Light to start working? I mean seriously, Queen Elizabeth is going to defeat the Spanish Armada before I have to pee again.

It's a second blue strip. This isn't possible. It has to be a mistake. I mean both tests did come from the same box. Next step-- sit on the couch paralyzed until the husband--soon to be Daddy?-- comes home.

Husband, no help. Seems to be in a state of --- shock? Okay, there's one solution. Another test. From a different store. One that reads "pregnant" or "not pregnant".

Oh, Wow.

I'm pregnant.

Canine Cool Down

Training: Week 8, Day 1
Distance: 11.67 miles
Time: 57 minutes
Weather: 67 and sunny
Power Song: Dashboard by Modest Mouse

There is one casualty in my quest for a good cause- the dog.

I adopted Queen Mab when I was a junior in high school (hahahaha did my parent laugh about that when I moved to the U.P. for 5 years and they kept the dog!). Mab is in herself a medical miracle. At nine months old a hit by car accident left her with a broken right hip and snapped left knee. Then she developed urinary tract problems which require special food and medication. And she's allergic to pollen, which requires medication. Then she had this weird blood issue where her body stopped making red blood cells and she needed a blood transfusion and medication. And then she started having seizures, which requires medication. Oh yeah, and within the last year she has snapped the majority of her teeth in half, which thankfully doesn't require medication. My dog takes more medication than all my grandmother's combined.

When I moved back home in April 2004 my parents had two rules for me #1- I must live within one hour of my surgeon. #2- The dog was moving with me. In comparison, I actually think the first one was the more negotiable.

Moving Mab from a roam where you may country setting to a bedroom and a half apartment in the middle of the city was not an easy transition. To make matters worst my roommate had a cat. In order to keep both our wits Mab and I would take nightly walks. Over the years these walks have become a part of our daily lives. But now with me training, the walks have slowly died off.

Mab gets so excited when she sees me in my workout gear and then is so disappointed when she's left behind. I wouldn't be surprised if she chews my tires off my bike one day. I really need to throw her a bone (horrible pun intended) and start taking her for a walk as part of my cool down.

Day Lilly Blossoms Only Bloom One Day

From my front yard.

My driveway is lined with day lilies. I love them. They are pretty. They are hardy and don't require a lot of time on my part. Their blossoms only bloom for one day, yet, each plant has several blossoms to display. Within a few years they spread and claim an area as their own. There are several varieties. And they are resilient.

Yesterday's post was heavy and I feel it necessary to tell you that's how I felt at the time. I was 24, had just ended a three year relationship, was recovering from a colectomy, worried about my academic future and had years worth of denial crashing down on me. In light of that, I think I was in rather high spirits!

Also, it didn't last.

I can only lick my wounds for so long before my optimistic side takes over. However, I would be lying if I said I still don't have times where a lot of those old thoughts rise up. This past week was a rough one for me. I just didn't feel well. My abdomen ached and that repeat pain in my side was back. Motrin wasn't enough to take care of all the aches. It was hard to sleep because I couldn't get comfortable, but once I did, I was out for 9-11 hours. Sleep is usually my indicator that something is up. When I feel great I sleep 7 to 8 hours, but when I'm not feeling well that bumps up several hours, plus I can take a nap in the afternoon.

Obviously, taking an afternoon nap and going to work took up the majority of my time last week, so I didn't train for Get Your Guts in Gear. But that was last week, and I'm going to deadhead it like I do my day lilies. I might have missed one week, but I still have I lifetime ahead of me and I'm not going to miss out mourning for one lost week. Colitis has made me resilient.

Really?

June 2004-

Why me?

Why me?

Why me?

I could ask this question a thousand times and never grow tired of it.

Why me?

Of course I knew the world didn't revolve around me and that bad things could happen to me. Yet, I never really though anything "bad" would happen. But here I was in Muskegon living a reality that I though would only happen to other people.

It was during this time that the permanency of my colectomy stuck me. There was no going back. Using the bathroom every 2-3 hours, night or day was not new, I'd been living that life for a long time, but before there was always the hope that I'd recover. That there would be a drug that would put me in remission. Or prednisone. There was always good ole pred. Yes, it was horrible for my body, but it gave me a quasi normal life.

But now things couldn't be undone. As a fellow colectomy survivor put it, "Your colon is now in a jar a formaldehyde and being used a paper weight to hold down the bill for your surgeon's new BMW."

What would I do for a job? For now I was working for my aunt and there was an employee bathroom three steps away, but what about when it was time to get a teaching job? A first year teacher getting a room next to the teacher's bathroom was as likely to happens as NMU saying, "Don't worry about the last four years, it was on us!"

What would happen if I needed to go during a test? Who'd watch my class. I could lose my job if I left a class unattended. What do I say in an interview? Not that I'd say anything! I'd almost rather not get a job, than discuss my intestinal issues with a principal during an interview.

And there were other things. Like children. For a women a colectomy reduces her chances to conceive. But if I do, what if I give colitis to my children? How could I give this to someone else. I couldn't live through it, watching my child have colonoscopy after colonoscopy, taking drug after drug, only to have a colectomy in the end, knowing that I'd given to them. Knowing it was my fault. They'd hate me. I'd hate myself.

I could adopt. But what kind of mother would I be? Always sick. I'd be the mommy who's always "not feeling well". Not able to keep up. What would that do to my family?

And who'd want to marry me? I'm sick. Defective. Damaged and missing parts.

I have a shorten life expectancy.

No health insurance company will cover me.

I'm prone to bowel obstructions.

This might not be my last surgery.

I'll have to buy toliet paper in bulk from Sam's Club.

Same goes for Hemroid cream.

I'm paranoid to use a public restroom.

I won't use my own bathroom without turning on the radio/shower/faucet.

I'll always be looking for the next bathroom.

I'll always carry extra toliet paper and underpants in my car.

Life isn't fair.

You can always go home, but how long do you want to stay?

Training: Week 7, Day 2
Distance: 15.46 miles
Time: 1 hour 3 minutes
Weather: 72 degrees w/83% humidity
Power Song: Sabotage by Beastie Boys

Who would have thought Gatorade actually works? I always figured that 'sports drinks' were more marketing spin than substance, but it seems to be helping me stay hydrated. Live and learn.

May 2004- So not only was I angry (filled with dark rage would really be more accurate), living with my parents and jobless, but I also had to return to Northern Michigan University to pack the rest of my apartment and watch my best friends graduate.

It's a horrible thing to hate your best friends for graduating. And my hate really was an irrational since I wasn't even due to graduate until the following fall.

But I did.

They were going to be able to move on. Change the world. Start on all the plans we dreamed about for the last fours years. And what was I doing?

For three years I'd been in denial about my colitis. For three years I'd been numb to any emotion attached to my health. For the most part I'd even insulated myself from the pain of having a colectomy. But that all changed.

Pure and fresh anger pumped through my body filling me with renewed energy. A job. I needed a job and found one as a veterinarian's assistant. Apartment. I needed to get out of my parents' place, so I got a place with my cousin and repainted the whole place. As a side note, it's always best to discuss color choice with your roommate before you paint.

And despite keeping myself busy, I'd still lay awake at night, staring at the newly painted walls, screaming inside my head, Why me?

At What Point In a Vacation Do You Relax?

See Mom, I do wear a helmet

Training: Week 7, Day 1
Distance: 8 miles
Time: 1 hour
Weather: Sunny and gorgeous
Power Song: Conversation with Eric

I don't know what I've been doing the last two weeks, but it hasn't been training. I of course had great intentions to follow my plan, but then this little thing call My Life crept into my schedule. Since I'm not a professional athlete I'm not worried about losing the Tour de France because of two weeks of light training, BUT it does set me back in my training and I'll need to repeat week six. That's okay though, I'll be back on schedule this week.

I did watch a great documentary called Blood, Sweat + Gears: Racing Clean to the Tour de France, directed by Nick Davis. The film follows the Pro-Cycling Team Garmin Slipstream, nicknamed the Clean Team, through the 2008 cycling year. The film highlighted this teams quest to race without any performance enhancers. In the last five years pro-cycling has made headlines with doping scandal after doping scandal. At least in Europe they have. Here in America anything we hear about pro-cycling has to do with Lance Armstrong. I'm not an avid follower by any means, but this film was really interesting. It was impressive to watch what these guys put their bodies through. I never realized there was so much planning and strategy to a bicycling race. After watching the film, I'm glad of one thing:Get Your Guts In Gear is not a race!

Blood, Sweat + Gears is playing on the Sundance Channel through the month of July.

Biking the Great North

Yes, I'm aware that I'm one of the few people that can pull off a button up sweater and big jewelry while hiking. It's a talent.

Two of the most inspiring women I know.

Training: Week 6, Day 2

Distance: 13 miles

Time: 53 minutes

Weather: Overcast

Power Song: no music (I forgot my earphones!)

Location: Atlanta, MI (Elk Capital of Michigan)

Today was another power ride. I was scheduled to ride for an 1 1/2 hours, but cut it short so I could spend more time with the girls. Riding in Atlanta (Michigan) was a nice change of scenery. I've been getting bored with my routes at home and my current routes are pretty flat. Around Jen's house there were plenty of long sloping hills which were a nice challenge. Tackling those few hills did make me realize I need to work more hills into my training. I was winded after the first two hills and really they weren't all that big.

The Get Your Guts in Gear's Facebook page says the route for the Midwest ride will start in Libertyville, IL head north to Wisconsin, wrap around Lake Geneva, WI, and loop back to Libertyville. The word is that this ride is less hilly than the New York and Seattle rides, but will still pass through rolling farmland and country roads. In other words, I need to get my guts off flat city bike trails and onto some rolling country roads.

Vacation

Just another peaceful morning on Muskegon Lake.

Training: Week 6, Day 1

Distance: 8 miles
Time: 30 minutes
Power Song: Cocaine Blues by Johnny Cash, sung by Joaquin Phoenix

This morning was a sprint power ride. I have to leave this morning for a girls weekend up North and didn't have time for my scheduled 2 hour ride. This week is going to be off. I'm off on vacation all week, but have plans for almost every day. I am bringing my bike with me up North, so hopefully I'll be able to slip in a ride while I'm gone.

More when I'm back.

Happy 4th of July

Training: Week 5, Day 2

Distance: 8 miles

Time: 1 hour 2 minutes

Power Song: no music

Weather: 72 and overcast

Happy Apple Pie Weekend!